Like many of you, I too have been horrified to learn of the shooting deaths of children and teachers yesterday at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas.  It is another in a growing line of such tragedies that have plagued this country, bringing to mind the tragic incidents in Parkland, Newtown, and Columbine among many others.  

In the wake of such horror, it is a natural human response to grasp for any measure of response that is meaningful.  Conversations about gun control, policing in schools, red flag laws, and mental health, all gain fever pitch as communities grapple with the anxiety that such terrible events evoke.  Which is, to my mind, a creative form of human bargaining in the face of such tragedies.  The innate desire to find a way to contextualize the past by striving to control the future. This isn’t to say that common sense measures related to gun control, increasing measures of community mental health support, and reasonable protections of our most vulnerable populations aren’t worthy of consideration and adoption.  Indeed all of these are far past due in our country. 

What concerns me more, however, in these first few days after such a tragedy is how we respond to our children and youth, who identify most closely with the environment in which this violence occurred.  How do we speak to their anxiety and the potential of their resiliency at this moment?

As one who has spent the past 30 years working in communities and contexts where such violence has occurred and in which many other tragic circumstances have challenged the sense of safety and well-being of children and their families, I would have us pause at this moment to consider the ways we as a community can provide comfort and healing contexts for those impacted most by such situations.

First, I would suggest that we pause and consider ourselves.  Become aware that adults in communities often feel more anxious than children do in such contexts.  This is a developmental reality.  Children learn the most from the way in which the adults in their lives respond to such circumstances.  Recognize your own anxiety and find ways to talk about it with other adults. 

Second, when in the presence of children who may be affected by the news of such tragedies, begin by asking how they are feeling and what they think about what happened.  With younger children answer their questions with simple responses.  

Third, ask children what helps them feel safe at school and at home?  Remind them of their capacity to respond to difficult circumstances by listening to the adults who care for them.  And remind them of their own capacity to act when necessary.

I’m reminded here of another circumstance that taught me about children’s capacity to be resilient.  When I was serving in Ohio and was part of a response to devastating flooding that had occurred along one of the estuaries leading to the Ohio River, I was invited to talk with a 4-year old who, on his father’s shoulders had to wade through chest-deep water to escape their home and move to a hill opposite their house for safety.  The child had been fixated on the creek below the house and hadn’t moved for hours.  His mom was worried.  I asked him what he was looking at.  “The creek,” he said.    “What about the creek?” I asked.  I’m waiting for the water to rise again.  “Oh.” said I.   “What happened the last time the water rose?”  “My dad carried me to the hill across the street.”  “So you were safe then?” “Yes.”  “So you know what to do if the water rises?”  “I do!”  He said with excited awareness.   And for the first time in hours, he left the spot from which he’d monitored the river.”

Like the concept of hope, I’ve talked about many times.  This kind of conversation was less about predicting the future and assuring that all will be well and more about the ability to help children in particular and people, in general, realize their capacity to respond, even in the most trying and tragic of circumstances.  

I’m also aware that there are those for whom the anxiety related to the latest shooting brings up histories of violence and trauma.  Here is where providing the resources for people to access longer-term therapeutic responses is essential.  Unfortunately, the system of public mental health is, and has been for a long while, in overwhelm.  So providing community spaces where those who need to talk can find a compassionate ear and be reminded of their capacity for resilience is essential as well. 

In the coming days and weeks, might we consider this primary work of community healing, building resilience, and being mindful of those made most vulnerable by tragedy as our work.  In the coming months and years, let us then also take up the work of policy revision, legal reform, and community capacity so that we might stem the tide of mass shootings and other forms of violence in our community, country, and world. 

Blessings,
Aaron